Who says Arizona’s governor is a racist rabble-rouser willing to use Gestapo tactics against Hispanics and many other nonwhites by in effect forcing them to carry IDs?

My theory is that Gov. Jan Brewer is enlightened and prescient and has secretly been in touch with Stephen Hawkin. This world-famous astrophysicist warns that, far from being lovable for sure, ETish creatures, aliens may come to kill us or suck up all of earth’s resources. Aliens, get it?

“If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America,” Hawkin says, “which didn’t turn out well for the native Americans.”

Exactly. Now we get back to Gov. Brewer’s priorities. How to spot the aliens before they can, for example, carry out a Hawkinian scenario and steal all the energy from the sun?

Shouldn’t we require true Earthlings to carry Planetary IDs?

Granted, the aliens may look like repulsive insects, but what if they’re more like George Clooney or even Ms. Anti-Alien Herself, Sigourney Waver? Just how will we know?

I’ve even heard it on good authority that the Bushes, father and son, may be aliens. Remember, some say the older George couldn’t deal with a grocery-checkout scanner—a universal skill that all true homo sapiens share in the United States. As for the son, his enemies talk of “devlish pointed ears.” A genuine human?

Aliens may even have infiltrated the Washington press corps. Do you realize that Mike Allen (photo), the White House correspondent for the Politico, is bashful about revealing his address? Could it really be on Mars or Pluto?

Now here is the really disturbing fact. The Bushes and Mike Allen are whites. Just like oft-ET-sounding Sarah Palin and Jan Brewer herself, and me, too. More and more, in forthcoming decades, we’ll be the odd ones, given U.S. demographics favoring minorities, including those dreaded Hispanics, whether or not more of them arrive.

Could the day come when we Caucasians will be forced to carry identity cards, especially given all the suspicions that the Bushes have understandably raised about the white race’s planetary origins?

No discrimination! The only true solution is a Planetary ID for all Earthlings.